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Its the way I am and the way I'll always be. [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | the rough end of a pineapple. ]
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sorry. [07 Oct 2004|10:43pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I just back from the halo party that Jello was having at his empty house. It was okay for the most part until I got stuck in the dark basement with Anthany. -_-;; haha.
I got Rob to steal a toaster from Jellos house and he did and Jello chased him down the street.
My dads getting really annoyed that I keep asking about the Cramps show..
I can't believe The dead Milkmen are playing at the Trocadero next month. I almost died when I heard it. I'm fucking in love with the singer. I'm going to see Joe the singer of them in his other band Low budgets at some free show on Walnut st. the day before the Dead Milkmen show.
I'm eating these pizza bites things and everytime I go to bit on side the pizza sause comes out the other side. *sigh*
My dad thinks John stole my money which I don't think he did but you never know because he hasn't been around in a few days...Hmm. Oh well, i should just leave my last $5 on the table and see if its gone in the morning then I'll have no money.
I don't know if I really want to even see my mom. Ross annoys me because when I talked to him he made it sound like it was all my fault and I know it has nothing to do with me. All I know is i want my camera and my life back which I know I wont be getting either of them back.

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I hope my life doesn't get any worse... [06 Oct 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

This is one of those shocking momments in my life that I felt like happened before. My life only repeats the bad things that happen to me. -_-;;
I pretty much lost all of the friends and anxiety doesn't help me focus on school.
I'm going insane here.
Anyway...on to the bad news.
My moms in jail...for 4 1/2 years. I have to go to court if they have a hearing which I hope they do. I called to get my camera back and I found that out, lovely isn't it? I feel so guilty. Why does everything have to go wrong? I've been pushed too far...
Why doesn't someone just fucking shoot me? and end my misery.

I saw red for a second, so frustrated
I'm not immune to pressure
Thought I could control it, but I buckled
Lashing out for no good reason at all

Wish I could take it back, wish I could just rewind
Wish I could take it back and just not lose my head
Wish I could take it back, wish I could just rewind
Wish I could take it back and just not lose my mind

Words could not make up for the things so stupid
How futile is the effort
So I make this promise and I'll keep it
I'll never hurt the ones I cherish so much

I took it out on the wrong person
I feel pathetic, guilty, and weak

13 comments|post comment

[05 Oct 2004|06:48pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

My dads still not home...I really feel like going somewhere and I know when he gets home he'll say "I'll take you tomorrow". I'm so impatient...I think its because of all the anxiety i've built up over the past 6 months.
I can't stand being trapped up in one place for too long. I love excitment but here theres none at all.
I'm so pissed off I really need to get a wallet I finally have money and I already lost $15. Err. *rips hair out* I had to take 3 tests today which I think I did pretty well on all of them.
This sunday is the Cramps show!! yay. Thats one thing to look foward to this weekend. I have to save money though because my dad spends it all on crack. x_x;;
I forget what my room looks like...I haven't been down there in awhile. Ha. last time I was down there I found empty beer bottles from awhile ago...I need to throw them away before I get caught. I've been meaning to do that for awhile now. Maybe I can convince my dad to take me to sugar moms when we go to Philly for the Cramps. I love that fucking bar.<33

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[04 Oct 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Why is everyone dying??!?! I swear...I'm the next to go.

3 comments|post comment

[02 Oct 2004|01:13pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Thanks guys, now I have 100 reasons to hate you all.

3 comments|post comment

[29 Sep 2004|08:36pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

I sold all my candy bars for chorus which is good, I need to get a new box. I havn't made a "real" update in awhile I wonder why. I Mean I really don't have a life anymore or least I don't think so. School is draining my life away...people just all around suck. I'm happy though because I downloaded Bearshare and I downloaded a bunch of great songs. ^_^;; I was so hyper when I got home today I think it was all that candy I ate at my house. My house is full of too much junk food...not good at all. My dad gave me money today and I'm going to save my money until I have enough to buy what I want online. Damn ants I swear their everywhere!! Eek. I'm trying to get this mp3 player to work...ah.
I have no idea what happened to my mom...I hope shes not dead. Life really sucks at this point in my life so something happening like that wouldn't shock me. -_-;;

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[25 Sep 2004|03:06pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Wow, Livejournal is different. I haven't been on in awhile. But good news is on the way...!!!

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES. Thats right.

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[13 Sep 2004|10:02pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I just don't get it...

2 comments|post comment

[10 Sep 2004|07:28pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

I just got back from Robs and I'm tired.

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[06 Sep 2004|06:41pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Summer is over and its going to be a longggg 4 years.
Joy. I left my headphones at Marleens...Damn.

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[03 Sep 2004|09:28pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Call me a friend but you stab me in the back.
You pretend we get along it's all just an act.
You always use people to get what you need.
You take advantage of others to satisfy your greed.

We don't need you, you fucking scum.
Hope that friends like you will never come.
When things turn bad for you don't count on me.
Cause I'll turn my back on you as you did to me.

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[28 Aug 2004|08:31pm]
[ mood | amused ]


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theyaregoingtokillme [23 Aug 2004|08:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I went to the Sick Of It all, Terror, Champion show last night. :)
It was more fun then I thought it would be. Sick of it all was amazing and Terror just kicked ass.
I saw the guitar player of sick of it all walking across the street before the show.
He had the coolest hair, it was blonde with little spikes at the top of his head. It was an odd hair cut but it was really cool looking. I met a guy named Kevin there and we had the same birthday. haha.
It was really cool when they did the Braveheart thing during Sick of it all. It had to of been the best birthday I've had since I was young. Thank you.
I finally got On The Beach the book we have to read for Cp English. I got it at the last minute before the store closed because every other store I checked didn't have it.

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My birthday today. [22 Aug 2004|12:48pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm going to Philly today for my birthday and then the Sick Of It All concert.
I finally get to see Sick of It All. N.y.h.c.

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Leftover Crack. [21 Aug 2004|02:50am]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Leftover Crack was awesome...I don't know what else to say. I got kicked in the mouth but it didn't hurt.
I need school clothes because most of the clothes I have I can't wear. Err. I love my Choking Victim shirt but it kind of has upside down crosses on it and shit, I don't think they would like that.
It was funny because this one chick kept grabbing the singers pants and he got so pissed off at her. The chick lost her camera and she told the guy and he said to everyone if they find the camera stomp on it. Ha. It was like a fucking sweat box in the basement of that church. I was sitting behind the new drummer for the band outside and I didn't realize it. I saw him with the list of what they would be playing but I didn't say anything. Some kid made me try on his glasses...haha. I got home at 2:15 and I'm fucking hungry as hell, I didn't eat anything at all.

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[20 Aug 2004|11:16am]
Leftover Crack...LYKE OMFGZ!!@3215347
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[17 Aug 2004|12:58pm]
[ mood | working ]

I feel like shit today and I kept waking up in the middle of the night wanting to throw up. I think I drank too much last night...oh well.
There's a Stiff little fingers show on thurday and leftover crack on friday and I really want to go to both. I saved up $75 and my dad took it. =( I'll be needing that back. I can't wait until I get paid again. ah.

2 comments|post comment

Haha. [13 Aug 2004|02:10am]
[ mood | content ]

One of the main objections to this argument lies in the belief that the individual does not understand the fhqwhgads.

4 comments|post comment

Sweet Dreams. [10 Aug 2004|01:20am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Today was fun except for a truck almost hitting me.
It's been adventuress lately. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow but I don't have any money left. *sad face* Oh well.

3 comments|post comment

[07 Aug 2004|12:02pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I went to warped tour yesterday and it was insane. My sister and I just walked into warped tour two hours before and she got scared and made me leave. Then we find out that the tickets are sold out so if we didn't find tickets I would have killed her. We are just standing there and I get attacked by Joe, Rj, Jim, and Phil and only Phil and Jim had tickets so we had to find tickets. So we walked around for 2 hours looking for tickets Joe got his for free from some girl, Rj bought his for $15 my sister and I bought ours for $60 each but I only had $70 so everyone helped pay for mine. I stayed with Joe and Jim the whole time because my sister went to the ps2 stand. Lars frederiksen and the bastards were awesome. Flogging Molly was fun. I missed the Vandles I was so sad...the casualties made up for it though, I met the singer. The bouncing souls, Anti flag, bad religion, I saw also. Yes yes. so I was glad we all found tickets and got in. During lars band I was talking to this really weird guy, haha. I said something about his blood for blood shirt and we started talking. Warped tour was fun I think the next show im going to is leftover crack.

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